Last weekend I was jumping down the stairwell in our dorm to catch up to my friends, and I landed weird on the last step and sprained my ankle. My RA, Regina, and my friend Mary, ended up taking me to the ER (which was really fun because we laughed the ENTIRE time we were there) and I was on crutches for the rest of the week. Friday I got my foot re-checked out at the doctor's office, and since then, have been officially off crutches. The roughly six days that I was on crutches, however, I was forced to learn quite a bit.
Naturally I like to be or at least feel relatively independent, like I'm not being a burden on someone else. However, with crutches, it was impossible to do so. It was really frustrating for me, especially because people wouldn't let me do anything. I was forced to rely on my friends and fellow hall mates throughout the week and got to learn a little about letting people help you. I'll admit, I am still not very good at this, because I have a pretty strong will, but God definitely used my pain as a learning experience.
Right after I fell I tried to get up, but realized that I couldn't. I realized that I was probably going to have to get it checked out, because I had hurt it pretty bad. The incident reminded me of what Louie Zamperini said when he visited our school, how when he got launched down the stairs and broke his hip at age 80 something, the first thing he thought was "all things work together for good for those that love God, those that are called according to his purpose" and Him thinking "God...this better be good!" That bible verse sank into my mind as I crawled my way to the wall, where my friends rushed to meet me to see if I was okay.
Throughout the week, God played on that inspiration, and I learned how God was trying to use my accident to bring him Glory. God used my experience to help teach me dependence on others. This idea was reinforced on Wednesday, when in chapel an image was imprinted in my brain of Jesus carrying his cross until he couldn't carry it himself anymore in the movie The Passion of the Christ. Then He let a man help him carry his cross with him. Being God, He could have carried it himself, although when he was weak, he let someone help him.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Never Let Me Go...
Yesterday I was really struggling with loneliness, stress, and confusion. The stress came from realizing that I had MUCH MORE homework to do than I had originally thought, not exactly something you want to hear. Good to know, though I guess.
The loneliness and confusion kind of went hand in hand, because I don't feel like anyone really knows me as who I am. Everyone has some idea of their own, but God is the only one who truly gets who I am, and who I'm trying to be. It can be kind of frustrating when I see people with best friends that seem to understand them, when I feel like I don't have any great relationships like that. That is just how I felt anyways... Yesterday had been a pretty good day overall, but the night was rough.
Through the hard times, I've found that God always provides. He knows how much we can handle, and what will turn us back to Him. In my case, last night I was looking through the bag I carry along all the time when I found a personal psalm/love letter that I had written to God last year, that applied perfectly to my situation. I had already prayed some about my situation, but I hadn't let His peace affect me at all and wasn't fully looking or expecting God's help.
However, God used my past words to break through to me last night, because I wouldn't turn to his. I started crying when I read it, but it reminded me of God's greatness, and how He has never let me down. I really needed to hear that.
Psalm:
You alone know the place I should turn.
You are my place of refuge.
You are all I really want in life.
You've always been there for me,
even when I didn't understand,
When I was too proud to give in.
You were there for me, and are holding me now.
I'm scared by myself, but I know that You will guide me.
Help me, lead me, because I can't do this myself.
When I don't know what I'm doing anymore,
You pull me back to you,
with love clear like a starry night sky,
bright like the sunset over the lake,
and always at the right time when I need you the most.
You remind me that You have always loved me.
The loneliness and confusion kind of went hand in hand, because I don't feel like anyone really knows me as who I am. Everyone has some idea of their own, but God is the only one who truly gets who I am, and who I'm trying to be. It can be kind of frustrating when I see people with best friends that seem to understand them, when I feel like I don't have any great relationships like that. That is just how I felt anyways... Yesterday had been a pretty good day overall, but the night was rough.
Through the hard times, I've found that God always provides. He knows how much we can handle, and what will turn us back to Him. In my case, last night I was looking through the bag I carry along all the time when I found a personal psalm/love letter that I had written to God last year, that applied perfectly to my situation. I had already prayed some about my situation, but I hadn't let His peace affect me at all and wasn't fully looking or expecting God's help.
However, God used my past words to break through to me last night, because I wouldn't turn to his. I started crying when I read it, but it reminded me of God's greatness, and how He has never let me down. I really needed to hear that.
Psalm:
You alone know the place I should turn.
You are my place of refuge.
You are all I really want in life.
You've always been there for me,
even when I didn't understand,
When I was too proud to give in.
You were there for me, and are holding me now.
I'm scared by myself, but I know that You will guide me.
Help me, lead me, because I can't do this myself.
When I don't know what I'm doing anymore,
You pull me back to you,
with love clear like a starry night sky,
bright like the sunset over the lake,
and always at the right time when I need you the most.
You remind me that You have always loved me.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Suffering
Recently God has been teaching me a lot about suffering. Not that I've experienced tremendous suffering lately, but regardless, I've learned a lot this past week. One of the things I've learned is that God disciplines his children, and discipline is not comfortable. We will suffer through discipline, such as hard experiences, but God uses those to make us stronger, and can use those to help other people in the future.
This past weekend I was kind of depressed because one of my best friends here at college went home for almost a week for her sister's wedding, so I didn't get to see her at all. It was only suffering on a small scale, especially when contrasted to a death in a family or some other tragic event, however, it was painful enough that God was able to use it to teach me throughout the week because of it.
Discipline is not fun. It hurts. But it produces good results in the end, and is therefore, worth the pain. God began teaching me this concept when the pastor at the church I attend here introduced the topic on Sunday through the book of Hebrews. Later this week, I was feeling particularly low (stressed because of finals, and lonely) and after our hall dinner, I sat out in a field and decided to read my bible before going to work that night. When I opened up my bible God really spoke to me through several verses.
Psalm 18: 1-3:
"I will love You, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised; So shall I be saved from my enemies."
Psalm 37: 5-8, 39-40
"Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass. He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light. And your justice as the noonday. Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret becuase of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who brings wicked schemes topass. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret- it only causes harm."
"But the salvation of the righteous is from the LORD; He is their strength in the time of trouble. And the LORD shall help them and deliver them; He shall deliver them from the wicked. And save them, Because they trust in Him."
Isaiah 43:1
"But now, thus says the LORD who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are mine.'"
Hebrews 12:4-9
"You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin. And you have forgotten the exhoration which speaks to you as sons:
'My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives.'
If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live?"
and last but not least:
Revelation 1:8
"'I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End,' says the Lord, 'who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty.'"
Then later that day I sat down on my friend's fouton in her room (the friend that had been gone) because I was just hanging out with her. She was reading a book for one of her classes, but she had put it down, so I picked it up and began reading. I don't believe it was a coincidence, that what I began reading was about suffering. After reading a couple paragraphs, I laughed and looked up thinking, "Okay, God. I get it."
God has definitely been at work in my life this week. I am very thankful for his presence in my life, and am beginning to see suffering as a positive thing, even though it hurts.
Today while reflecting I also discovered two things that I frequently suffer from, and have issues with. Stress, which is pretty self explanatory, and trying to deal it with myself. And also, loneliness. It may seem like neither of them are a big deal, but they are reoccurring struggles in my life, that I find myself wrestling with the most. I'm not sure if they will always be things that I struggle with, but I do know that God can, and will, use my struggles to glorify Him.
This past weekend I was kind of depressed because one of my best friends here at college went home for almost a week for her sister's wedding, so I didn't get to see her at all. It was only suffering on a small scale, especially when contrasted to a death in a family or some other tragic event, however, it was painful enough that God was able to use it to teach me throughout the week because of it.
Discipline is not fun. It hurts. But it produces good results in the end, and is therefore, worth the pain. God began teaching me this concept when the pastor at the church I attend here introduced the topic on Sunday through the book of Hebrews. Later this week, I was feeling particularly low (stressed because of finals, and lonely) and after our hall dinner, I sat out in a field and decided to read my bible before going to work that night. When I opened up my bible God really spoke to me through several verses.
Psalm 18: 1-3:
"I will love You, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised; So shall I be saved from my enemies."
Psalm 37: 5-8, 39-40
"Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass. He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light. And your justice as the noonday. Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret becuase of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who brings wicked schemes topass. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret- it only causes harm."
"But the salvation of the righteous is from the LORD; He is their strength in the time of trouble. And the LORD shall help them and deliver them; He shall deliver them from the wicked. And save them, Because they trust in Him."
Isaiah 43:1
"But now, thus says the LORD who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are mine.'"
Hebrews 12:4-9
"You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin. And you have forgotten the exhoration which speaks to you as sons:
'My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives.'
If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live?"
and last but not least:
Revelation 1:8
"'I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End,' says the Lord, 'who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty.'"
Then later that day I sat down on my friend's fouton in her room (the friend that had been gone) because I was just hanging out with her. She was reading a book for one of her classes, but she had put it down, so I picked it up and began reading. I don't believe it was a coincidence, that what I began reading was about suffering. After reading a couple paragraphs, I laughed and looked up thinking, "Okay, God. I get it."
God has definitely been at work in my life this week. I am very thankful for his presence in my life, and am beginning to see suffering as a positive thing, even though it hurts.
Today while reflecting I also discovered two things that I frequently suffer from, and have issues with. Stress, which is pretty self explanatory, and trying to deal it with myself. And also, loneliness. It may seem like neither of them are a big deal, but they are reoccurring struggles in my life, that I find myself wrestling with the most. I'm not sure if they will always be things that I struggle with, but I do know that God can, and will, use my struggles to glorify Him.
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