Always There Holding My Hand

Last night I stayed over at one of my best friend's houses with her and another best friend, and we had a great time tubing out on a lake, watching television, reading bed time stories from "the tales of Beetle the Bard" fairy tales from the Harry Potter series, and just hanging out. I had a blast.

That night, however, while lying on my back on the floor of her room before I fell asleep it started to hit me hard for the first time that I'm leaving home for college in about a week and a half. Of course I had know this all summer, but it really started to sink in that I won't see all the people I love at home for about 97 days straight, until I can come home for Thanksgiving break. That is a LONG time. Longer than my trip to Samoa last summer.

The thought kind of scared me; it's a long time to be away from home. And really, basically the first time I've ever been out really on my own. I won't have a car or anything and I'll be about six hours away from home, so I can't just come home on weekends... I won't lie, I cried. Silently of course (a skill I mastered last summer so that I wouldn't wake up my team mates from my homesickness).

I began thinking how much I'll miss my friends and family while I'm gone, and how I had no idea what I was actually going to do when I got there. Before this summer I was sure that I wanted to play a sport down at college, but then I broke my hand at the end of that season, and didn't make time to practice or condition this summer and I had basically all but ruled out playing. In addition, I began to realize that with 18 credit hours, I'll probably have to study a lot, and then I need a job on top of that for any spending money.
So, the night before I stayed at my friend's house I emailed the college coach saying that I didn't think I was going to try out for the team anymore for most of the above stated reasons. Right before I left for my friend's house I got a return email saying that I had some scholarship money set aside for me, and that my high school coach had spoken really highly of me, and that I could still reconsider or change my mind, but to let her know when I could.

So... my mind was kind of heavy, and I was just confused as to what God wanted me to do with college, just feeling overwhelmed. As I was processing everything in my mind that night, I remembered that God wants us to give Him all of our troubles. So I began to pray, in my head, silently as I cried.
God, I need you. I'm scared. I don't know what you want me to do. Please help me.

Almost instantly I felt better. Not completely, I still cried. But a huge weight felt like it had been removed from my heart and my mind, and as I cried the tears changed from anxiety, stress, and fear to ones of acceptance and relief.

My friend, asleep on the floor next to me, then unknowingly reached out and rested her hand on my arm. Although, she was quite assuredly asleep, to me it seemed like God's own way of reaching out to me and assuring me that everything was going to be okay.