Don't Understand.

We had a blood drive going on at my college today, and prior to today I had thought about doing it but then I forgot to sign up. Then today I was hanging out with my friend and he had, so I went with him and decided to give blood as a walk-in.

I've always wanted to give blood, but due to some circumstance I've always been unable to.

The first time I was eligible to give blood was during High School, but the blood drive was the same day as a swim-meet, and my coach would have killed me if I did right before this important meet. Even though I wasn't really a fast swimmer anyways, I would've died trying to swim afterwards.

The second time I tried to give blood, I was super excited and I was in an off-season for sports; I was conditioning for softball, but didn't have actual practices or games or anything. I got out of conditioning and went to give blood because I had signed up to; then when I got there I realized that I didn't have any valid ID on me, so I couldn't, and the volunteers at the drive made me feel like a complete idiot. (Because I had driven there). Honestly, I cried almost the whole drive home that day.

So, today I made my third attempt at giving blood. I actually had my ID on me,  so I got past that part, and I'm not in sports so I was clear there too. But after getting there and everything they pricked my fingers to test if I could give blood, and my hemoglobin was too low. So once again, today, I couldn't.

I have naturally low-ish hemoglobin because 1. I'm a girl and 2. I have betathalasemia (small red blood cells) which is no big deal really, but it contributes to my low hemoglobin levels. Previously my doctor said he wouldn't recommend giving blood, but that I could if I wanted to. Today my hemoglobin was fine ( I'm not anemic) but below the level that they could accept from donors due to regulations and stuff.

So, yeah. I'm really disappointed. I think I might try again in a couple months, try to eat more vegetables and stuff before then, and see if it works out for me finally. At the same time it also makes me question if I was meant to give blood. Even though, I really want to, it might not be God's plan for me. Which is something I don't understand right now, and the concept is kind of hard for me to accept. I just really needed to get this off my chest, because its bugging me right now; writing kind of helps.